December dream journal

My family was prominent in my dreams last night but I can only clearly recall the last portion of the last one. I was driving down the highway and saw a stunning view and considered pulling over to take a picture but decided not to.  But the woman in front of me did, she pulled over to the side of the highway and then suddenly, we were no longer in cars. I was walking down a path and approaching me in the opposite direction was my friend Karen D., who looked great! Her hair was longer than usual and thicker and very curly.  Karen had a cigarette in one hand and a Diet Coke in the other and I was relieved to see the cigarette because I was smoking also and did not know if I should hug her with a butt in my hand but since she was smoking too, I decided it was ok. After we hugged hello, my family came strolling by, and I pulled Karen over to where they were so I could introduce her.

Prior to that I cannot recall much other than my family was in it and I don't think we were all getting along. My parents' house often figures prominently in my dreams, I have no idea why. But it seems I live over there in my dreams a lot more than in my own house.

Last entry for November

Well, I didn't have a driving dream last night. In fact, just the opposite. I dreamed I was in my old neighborhood, running towards home. I noticed my steps were very floaty, like I could cross much more area than usual with each one. I played around with the effect a little, trying to stretch each step out even further and make it so I was floating even farther than before. I saw a little girl at the corner of Lohnes and Leonard (or Pitt) Road, doing the same thing.

This is a departure for me, usually in my dreams when I am trying to walk or run it is a big ordeal, I struggle and labor and can never seem to get very far. But in this dream, I just wanted to play with the effect and Run and Run for a long time.

Eventually I found myself at the top of Ridgefield and I was no longer running. I was now in some contraption similar to a tricycle or wheelchair. With each push of the wheel, I was coasting and soaring down the road just as I had when I was running. But I realized I had very little control over steering this contraption when it made a funny turn right into my first boyfriend Joel B's driveway. I said Shit! Shit! because I really didn't want to be in his driveway. Also I was afraid I might hit his parents' cars, which hadn't been there a moment before when I rolled by the first time. Joel won't accept my friend request on Facebook, which is part of the reason I didn't want to get caught in his driveway. The other thing was, I didn't want to hit his parents' cars, and I knew I had very little control over the wheelchair I was driving.

I got out of their driveway and proceeded to roll backwards towards my house, again with each spin of the tires taking me much further, much faster than expected. In front of their next door neighbor's house (where Vijay lived when we were growing up) an Indian man was also riding in a wheelchair and I felt bad because I knew he assumed I was in mine by necessity and not just for the fun of it.

He and I rolled together all the way down Ridgefield until we got to Donna and I said, ok, this is my stop and rolled up the driveway to where my waiting family was.

My sister Laurie was standing outside the front door and she said, "I've been trying to REACH you!" with a lot of emphasis on the word reach. Then she said, haven't you been calling me again with a strong, somewhat sarcastic emphasis on the word calling. Apparently we had made some sort of agreement to try using telepathy with one another.

Now, I had gone to sleep like I said in my last blog with the plan of noticing when I was driving in the car, noticing that it was just like "that dream I always have" and trying to become lucid. I did not expect a running or rolling dream, but next time I will be prepared for it. It seemed like a perfect opening to become lucid, especially because the distance I was covering with each step was so vastly different from when I dream I can hardly move or take a step, each step is painfully laborious and slow.

The only other thing I remember was before the running and rolling. I was on a ship and Little Scott was there with his wife Megan. She had cut off a lot of her hair and it was a pretty shade of blond. It looked in great condition even though I didn't like the shorter length. But Little Scott sure seemed to like it, he was doting on her and looking at her very adoringly. It made me happy for them both.

Oh yes, one other thing, something about being at the beach and playing in the water with some kids.
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November Dream Journal (cont'd further still)

Not much to report lately although this afternoon I laid down around 1:45 knowing I had three hours until Paul came home from work at which time we were driving down to Abington to pick up his new car (2010 Nissan Versa with 16,000 miles on it, still under original warranty). The only part of my dream I can remember is right before I woke up, my parents had come home from being somewhere and I gave my mother a huge hug and she kissed me very dearly, and I said something like, "Oh, ok, I haven't seen him in a while, I guess I can go hug Dad too."

I feel as though I'm on the verge of having a lucid dream though. Because lately I've started the practice of asking myself if I'm dreaming or awake, particularly when I'm driving in the car. The reason is, I often dream of taking a corner too wide or too fast on the highway when I'm dreaming, and the last few times I've had this dream, I've said to myself, "This is just like in that dream I always have!" but don't have the presence of mind to ask if I'm dreaming or awake. It seems like it should be the next question, and now that I've started the daily practice of asking, hopefully it will become a "habitual ritual" (as Bashar likes to say) to where I start asking it in the dream.

Hopefully I will become lucid very soon and have a very exciting entry to blog.

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November Dream Journal (cont'd further)

I dreamed I lost my job and had to clean out my area (this actually happened in real life a week and a half ago on November 12th). I came back from lunch at what I thought was twenty of 3, but when I looked at the clock again, it was actually 4:00 and I had one hour to clean out my stuff and leave. And I knew if I got finished early, I could leave early. Cleaning out my area took a really long time. I had a lot of drawers and a lot of stuff: short drinking glasses, earrings, silverware, food (a lot of food including ice cream!) clothes, stuff hanging on the wall and so on. At one point, someone tried helping me and he brought over a wastebasket with some stuff in it, including belly dancing costumes. I said, thanks, is that stuff or is it trash? He said, it's trash. At that point I got angry. I said, "you don't have the authority to make such decisions for me, Todd! (or his name might have been Sean) That's a belly-dancing costume! I might need that some day!
At one point the dream morphed from cleaning out my area at work to cleaning out my room at my boyfriend Michael Kramer's house. I was bitter, angry with his parents for kicking me out, and felt defiant, knowing that we were going to continue seeing each other, even though I couldn't live with them any more. Michael was helping me, then disappeared, then I could see him again down the street and it looked like he was on his way to help me some more. But when he got to the bottom of the hill, it appeared he was turning right to head towards the liquor store. I became deflated. Then he stopped and took his pants off. He was wearing yellow underwear. Apparently he changed into his underwear because he was going to do some calisthenics along with two other pairs of people who showed up and were doing stretching exercises on a towel or blanket on the grass.
Another thing I remember, is there was some ice cream, and for some reason I had taken it out of the freezer and sat it on the counter. It was in a really strangely shaped triangular container with the ice cream hanging down from the top like a swing. It's hard to describe. But I had taken it out to let it get soft, and then I realized I better start eating it or else it would get too melty. Also something about being down the street, thinking I could just take that van back, and when I got down the street to where the van was parked, it had disappeared! So I needed to walk All the Way back, which was about a block. It seemed to take FOREVER!
One other thing, after I had come back from lunch at twenty of three, there were a bunch of leftovers in the caf including Ritz crackers and some kind of white cheddar popcorn, generic, not Smart Food. I helped myself to some of it and it turned out to be coated with something sweet and had some kind of nuts in there, so it was more like Poppycock.
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November Dream Journal (cont'd)

Blaine made an appearance in my dream again last night. I was in MD for a family function and quickly came home to Framingham before the evening festivities because I forgot a few things. Before we left, I had parked Mike Rosen's car in my parents' driveway for the weekend. When we got home unexpectedly, a tow truck driver had hooked it up to his truck and was about to haul it away. I noticed that my friend (I think it was Andrea) who had moved Mike's car to my parents' driveway had left his window mostly open and his door unlocked. I said, "why are you towing that car out of my driveway? My friend can't leave it here for two days?" And the tow truck driver said, "No, he can. I'm not taking it" and he unhooked it from his rig. As I was standing in the driveway having this conversation with him, Blaine came walking over from next door. It took me a moment to recognize him - at first I thought he was David W. from SS. But when he got up close to me I recognized him and gave him a huge hug and didn't want to let go. I said, "You're here again on business?" and he said, "well I was in Kansas City MO so I thought it was close enough to stop by" (somewhat unrealistic in real life but it made perfect sense in the dream). I was still hugging him when I told the tow truck driver, and one other worker-type person who was there, "You guys have to leave now. I don't have much time and I want to spend it with my friend who is here from out of town."
The rest of the dream is not as clear as what I've already relayed. I needed to grab a few items for the party that night, I was going dressed as a belly dancer. I asked my sisters, "do you think I need a veil? I think I need a veil. Hang on while I run back in and get one" but it wasn't where I expected it to be so I gave up on it. At one point, Blaine and I were naked in bed, still hugging, but that didn't seem to last too long. The last thing I remember, I went into the guest room, and my sister Karen and one of her sons were sleeping on the twin beds. I went in there to pee, sat down on the toilet, and because of the way the toilet was shaped, my pee went spraying across the floor instead of down into the bowl. I said, what's wrong with this toilet, does it do this to everybody? There was a towel on a pile of clothes directly in front of me, and the pee was landing on the towel, so I sort of thought it had been placed there for that reason.
One other thing, when it was time for Blaine to go, I was telling him he needed to leave, but he had set up some electronic equipment on the dining room table because he was planning on giving my PC a tuneup. I said "What's that?" and he answered "That's my Rabbit" or he may have said Wabbit. I said, oh, if you're going to fix my computer, then I guess you can stay a little longer.

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I think I remember so much of this dream because I woke up naturally from it. The next dream I had this morning, after going back to bed, I cannot recall because I was awoken by a ringing phone. Maybe it will start coming to me throughout the day, I've been known to have that happen. I'll come back here to log it if it does.
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November Dream Journal

My recall has been really crappy lately. I haven't come over here to log anything because it's only been bits and pieces. But I suppose bits and pieces are better than nothing, so here goes...

Last night I dreamed I was in a movie theater with some friends or colleagues. I told them I couldn't stay because John Travolta and I had plans and before they even had a chance to verbally express their obvious disbelief, he walked up the aisle straight towards me, and I had just enough time to nod my head to my friends and say "See?, John Travolta" before jumping up out of my chair to give him a big hug. He was wearing a deep purple shirt and possibly a tie, and he was younger (and therefore thinner) than he is in real life.

Prior to that, there was something about a girl with short blond hair, possibly someone I worked with in the dream. Something about an elevator to the fourth floor, she had just come out of it as I was going in. Before I got in the elevator, I heard her say congratulations to an old woman walking away from the elevator doors. There was also something about her purse. Her purse at first appeared to be identical to mine. I was going to ask her if she had the same problem I do with the little lock on the front section (in real life there is no section on my purse with a little lock, on the front or otherwise) and then I realized hers was not exactly like mine, as hers did not have that locked front section. Plus hers had some brown trim and mine is cream or ivory colored all the way through, no trim.

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Another Dream

Ok, I said I would write down everything I could remember, even if it was personal, so I worked up the nerve to write down last night's. I remember we were all at a meeting at work, and the manager J.K. did not have a place to sit at the meeting. I was at the back of the room and I said, sit on my head. He sat on my head for the meeting and once in a while would look down at me through his legs and smile. It was funny. But I thought about not recording it here because it's so bizarre and somewhat personal. But I had said I would, so I am.

The only other part I remember was walking in on the mother from Two and a Half Men, I think her name is Holland Taylor, she was on the bed in her pajamas, not under any covers, had her hand in her pajama bottoms and was obviously masturbating. I was not the only one to walk in on her, there was a group of us.
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October Dream Journal Continued Even Further

10/18/10 - Last night I dreamed about Charlie from Party of Five but in fact I believe he represents Blaine. Charlie and I were not getting along, which mirrors the fact that I was spatting with Blaine most of the day yesterday. Charlie was sitting on some kind of workout bench, which again indicates Blaine who works out three times a week. I asked him for a hug and he indicated that I should lie down on top of him, he was face down on the bench. I said, "No, I want a face-to-face hug, I brushed my teeth and everything!" So he lifted up off the bench far enough for me to squeeze under him, and gave me a big hug. I remember having one hand on his back and the other on his arm, and I gave his bicep a little kiss before I realized it was inappropriate, as we are solely Platonic.

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This one seems pretty self-explanatory. Blaine lives far away, and cannot hug me in real life. The Dream plane is the only place he could give me what I wanted, so he did.
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October Dream Journal Continued Further

Ok so I haven't been having the greatest recall lately for various reasons, but my dream from last night I remembered very clearly when I woke up, and wondered all day whether it would turn out to be true.
First a little background. I started working in a three-month assignment at my company one year ago, October 26th, 2009. They let me go as scheduled on New Year's Eve, just at the three month mark. Then they called me back for a different position the first week in February, 2010, which I started on February 8th. This was again meant to be a three-month assignment, so I should have finished up on or around May 8th. Well, near the end of April (I guess) I was informed that I had at least until the end of May. When the end of May rolled around, I was told I had through July. At the end of July, we decided to just dispense with the termination dates, and just let me know two weeks in advance. And since then it's been that. I would know two weeks in advance. But recently, the date of October 29th was given to me as yet another possible/likely termination date for this three-month assignment. So that is the background for last night's dream.
In my dream, I was riding in the passenger's seat of my boss' car, and she was driving. Knowing full well that today was two weeks before the 29th, and having known all weekend that if she was going to let me go, she really had to say something today, I imagine I went to bed thinking to myself last night, "tomorrow's the day! Tomorrow I find out!" So we're sitting in the car, and in my dream it was today, because I said to her, "today is the day. you know. You have to give me my two weeks notice today" and she looks at me and shakes her head no and goes, "you're not leaving on the 29th".
The whole day pretty much came and went without hardly seeing her, but she swooped into my cube at ten minutes to five and whispered in my ear, "your last day is not October 31st". I am definitely still out of there, she was asked to make a plan to get me out, but it is not going to be in two weeks and my dream turned out to be right.
Now, I've had at least one other dream that I know of, it was a recurring one, that turned out to be prophetic, but this one was different. This one had me waking up going, "so strange! I had a dream that was wrong!" Because in my mind I had convinced myself that this time it was actually true, this time I really was going to be given my two weeks notice. I didn't see my boss all morning and all morning I was thinking to myself, that's so weird! I had a dream that is going to be wrong! I never suspected it was going to be right. I never expected her to say those words to me.
I have a newfound respect for the content of my dreams. I am glad I started making the effort at remembering them. I am glad to have remembered all I did about how you have to let the subconscious mind know it's important to you, know that it matters, and recording them is one way of getting that message across.
So I will pay even more attention and try even harder to remember them, and as boring and time-consuming as it may be, I think I will start recording the little snippets I remember as well, instead of dismissing them as too insignificant or (gasp!) too personal to place here.
There have been one or two that I kept to myself for that reason but even if I change the names or use code, I think I'm going to have to put it here, because I am impressed with this new tool and want to tune it up and see what it can do for me!

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If you're reading this, thanks for reading!

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October Dream Journal Continued

I had another driving dream last night. I dreamed I was on my way to NJ where I thought I might see my friend David (even though he actually lives in Texas). It was 2:17 in the afternoon but for some reason I was seeing the clock in military time, so it was 14:17. I realized I was going to have several hours to kill before meeting up with my friends for the concert I was headed down there for, so I was trying to reach David to see if he wanted to kill some time with me while I was getting ready. But all the different times I tried to call him, I could not get through. Also I had a different number for him, I was trying to reach him at 405-1715 even though this is not his number. As I was driving to NJ at 14:17 and trying to reach him to say I was only about half an hour away, I got on a highway and saw bad traffic and realized maybe I better not say I'd be there in only half an hour, since it was going to depend on the traffic. I almost made one bad move while I was driving, not really paying attention, I almost went to the right which would have taken me off the road and down a steep concrete stairway, but luckily I veered left at the last moment to stay on the road, even though the traffic was bad.
At one point when I was trying to reach him, I was in my sisters' hotel room, still having trouble getting through for whatever reason: either I couldn't remember his number, or I couldn't see what I was doing, or I couldn't figure out how to operate the hotel phone, or whatever. I just couldn't call him.
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Two more dreams

I dreamed about my parents a few nights ago but could remember so little I thought it hardly worth writing it down. But since I am here to record last night's dream I may as well jot down what I can recall. I remember I pulled into the driveway at dusk and knew there should be quite a few people there and was therefore surprised to see no cars in the driveway and the front door open. I went inside to find my mother, did not ask her what she and Dad were doing home and where all the cars were, or if I did ask her I forget what she said, but when I asked her where Dad was, she pointed into the bathroom (we were in the hall just outside the bathroom door) and said "He's right there". And there was my Dad, sitting on the toilet, in the same pink towel my brother-in-law was wearing when he came out on the patio last time we were there. That's all I can recall.

Last night's is also extremely spotty, but the part I remember loud and clear was being in a car on a curvy highway, and noticing the traffic ahead of me was all slowing down and stopping, stopping my own car in time and then nervously checking my rear view mirror to make sure all the cars behind us realized we were all stopped. I think there was construction or an accident in the left-hand lane.

I frequently have driving dreams, not sure what that means, I should look it up in the dream book Dianne gave me for my birthday one year.

October Dream Journal

This weekend I dreamed about people from work. Saturday night, (10/2) I dreamed I was naked in bed with and about to start having sex with some Middle Eastern man, I told him to go close the bedroom door and there was Chris N. from work, in a towel (I think he just got out of the shower) reminding us that he was supposed to room with me and asking if it was still ok and basically getting me off the hook from the sex I was about to have, which I don't think I really wanted to have.

Last night (10/3) or should I say this morning, I again dreamed about someone from work. Since my last day is supposed to be the 29th of this month, Mark H. decided to move himself into my cube. He packed up all my stuff, installed some cube mirrors so he could see who was coming up behind him while he worked, and I said to him, you packed up all my stuff? And he said yeah and I said, wow, that was really ballsy of you at which point his boss Joe K. came along and I sort of rolled my eyes at him in disbelief. I couldn't believe he just packed up all my shit! And apparently was expecting me to share my cube with him for my last month, because my chair was still there, side by side with his and touching.

My Favorite Quotes from MBT

Again, I haven't been blogging much lately, still mightily consumed with Tom Campbell's My Big TOE, I finished finding all of the missing hyphens I could locate, and have moved on to building the index for the book.

While I am building the index, I cannot stop myself from pulling out the pearls and nuggets of wisdom that helped make this trilogy one of my all-time favorite books.

I have no right to post these quotes here, and it is most likely a copyright infringement, but in my defense, the vast majority of the My Big TOE trilogy is available for free on google books right here:
http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=6To0902iZeYC&printsec=frontcover&dq=My+Big+TOE#v=onepage&q=&f=false
and so I don't think the author can get too upset with me. At least, I hope he doesn't get upset with me.

So without any further ado, here they are, my all-time favorite quotes written in my all-time favorite book by my all-time favorite author, at least for the time that is being.

“…the distinction between the objective physical outside world and the subjective nonphysical inside world of mind and consciousness is wholly dependent upon, and relative to, the observer.”

“Big Truth, once understood and assimilated, always modifies your intent, and invariably leads to personal change.”

“Once the mental door of indisputable fact is pried open, the light begins to flood through.”

“anyone can learn what I have learned”

“Becoming too enamored of paranormal phenomena can distract you from more important issues and retard or prevent your further development.”

“…the evidence, as well as the key to understanding, lies within your own experience – and nowhere else.”

“We almost always let our egos trick us into believing that we are much less ignorant than we actually are.”

“The quality of your being expresses the correctness of your understanding. Think about that a moment. What does the quality of your being say about the correctness of your understanding?”

“What is deeply ingrained in us is nearly impossible for us to notice – it becomes part of the invisible inner core of our being.”

“Big Truth must be understood deeply to be effectively applied.”

“The truth is not delicate; it will stand up to vigorous testing.”

“Belief is not a shortcut that will actually take you to a significant destination. Believing what others say is a risky business. You must discover truth and knowledge for yourself or it will not be your truth or your knowledge. Your truth and knowledge lives deeply and vibrantly within your being while someone else’s truth and knowledge can penetrate no deeper than your intellect.”

“There is a natural and necessary order to any developmental growth.”

“Good science starts with honesty, and honesty is most easily applied in an ego-free and fear-free environment.”

“To get out of the box, you first must step over its edge – an act too frightening and intimidating for most box dwellers who will always find plenty of good reasons why it is actually better to stay safely in the box.”

– “For every irrational rationalization there exists an equal but opposite irrational rationalization.” [Campbell’s Third Law of No Motion (otherwise known as the law of inaction-reaction)]

“Spiritual growth, personal growth, improving the quality of your consciousness, evolving your being, increasing your capacity to love, and decreasing the entropy of your consciousness are all essentially synonymous and equivalent.”

“We humans are generally as aware of our individuality as we are blind to our conformity – that is our nature.”

“All paths have benefits and challenges.”

“Our ignorance does not impose limits on the larger reality – only upon our understanding of it.”

“It may take an extremely long time (dim awareness can be very slow), but under the steady pressure of a relentless evolution constantly nudging all systems toward greater profitability, progress is eventually made as new possibilities are explored.”

“Pseudo-knowledge is useless except as a pacifier for a needy ego.”

“Appreciating your limitations is the first step toward obtaining wisdom.” “At the same time, creating apparent limitations where none actually exist by getting stuck in belief traps is a great waste of potential.”

“The ability to accurately assess one’s fundamental limitations differentiates the wise from the foolish”

“It is our free will, our self- interaction, and our interaction with others that creates the possibility of learning, which in turn creates our potential for growth.”

“Assuming responsibility for your life is a good place to start anything.”

“These maze rats are not dumb – they are merely confused and blinded by their belief systems. What should you do to help? Love them and let them be – they will eventually figure it out (explaining it to them often ends up confusing them more). Just love them and let them be – and evolve your consciousness to the greatest extent possible. That way, if asked, you can point out unseen opportunities and options from a more balanced and less ego driven perspective, serve as a good example, and provide encouragement through living proof that success is possible. That is about all you can do to help.”

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and in my further defense, I do own this book, I could very well have typed all of this up out of the copy my sisters bought me for my birthday, or one of the two copies I bought for myself.

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TOE Talk

I haven't blogged in a while for two main reasons: 1.) I've been mightily consumed in reading and assimilating Thomas Campbell's Trilogy "My Big TOE" and 2.) I recently made my blog more available/accessible than ever in the past and I believe that has made me somewhat reticent to spill the way I used to.

I'm not even sure what I came here to write about, but knowing me over these past three months or so, I imagine it has something to do with Tom Campbell. Ever since a couple of weeks before my birthday when I watched his London Lecture on YouTube (I will have to paste a link I guess or you can just go a couple posts back to get my initial impression as captured back then)

http://aerolynda.blogspot.com/2009/10/consciousness-connection.html

and basically became a convert, he's all I want to talk about. Convert is a very bad way of putting it though since his theory is not a church or a religion any more than I believe Michael Sharp's Lightning Path is, although I can see the potential for it in both.

Now I am reading his trilogy and assimilating it like I said, which basically means finding all of the similarities I can between this new material and everything else I've absorbed through the years, which of course more than anything is the work of Neale Donald Walsch.

I have befriended a couple of dear folks on the My Big TOE discussion forums and one of them has lovingly suggested in a private message or two that there may be a book in me somewhere. Well after giving it a modicum of introspection, I thought if there's really something in there, maybe it's got something to do with comparing and contrasting the teachings from both, if I can manage to finish My Big TOE (henceforth to be shortened in my references to "MBT") and continue comprehending at least as much as I've managed to figure out so far.

I have the comments I made on YouTube to refer to, where I pointed out most of the comparisons that sprang to mind most easily, as a jumping off point.

I guess I will keep this blog updated with my progress, if any gets made!

Edit: Tom Campbell wants to include me in his acknowledgements! OMG I am in heaven! Finally, for once, my incurable, incessant typo-spotting affliction works in my favor!
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